


Rockin' Balin's Halloween Ballad

by onestepatatime



Series: Rockin' Balin's Holiday Ballads [1]
Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Gen, Specific story characters to be decided by the readers.
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-01
Updated: 2015-10-31
Packaged: 2018-04-24 05:25:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,169
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4907134
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/onestepatatime/pseuds/onestepatatime
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Interested readers were to submit the name of a dwarf from Thorin's Company and a Halloween or Fall Harvest themed song. Littlenori chose Thorin in Dead Man's Party. I threw in Bilbo at the last moment.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Littlenori](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Littlenori/gifts).



> This is based off of Casey Kasem's radio countdown show that used to air on Sunday nights when I was a kid.
> 
> Legal Disclaimer: All trademarks and copyrights are owned by their respective owners. I make no profit from this story.

"This is Rockin' Balin that all of you readers out there are listening to on this fine October night."

"Balin, what is going on here?"

"Let's have all of the readers give a big hand in welcome to my first guest cohost, my own brother, Dwalin!"

"Cohost of what? You are a scribe scribbling away on a piece of paper!"

"That is right folks, you have heard it from the highest source in Erebor. You are reading the hippest, coolest radio show in Middle Earth!"

"I have no time for this! Where are my axes?"

"Rockin' Balin knows how to indulge a cohost. You will get Grasper and Keeper back after you help me to chose from the reader responses, Dwalin. Now sit down and participate!"

"What responses?"

"Very good. You are doing great. You heard Dwalin, folks. We need your input to make this story and upcoming ones in this cool and awesome Rockin' Balin series a success, because it is based on what you, the readers, want to see."

"You heard my lunatic brother, folks. Write something so I can get my axes back. I will not forget this Rock Headed Balin."

"You will not forget, dear cohost, because this will be a great reading show! I will also tell our readers about that time that you and Thorin met that woman at....if you do not stick to the program format."

"Fine. The card says to have interested readers submit the name of a dwarf from Thorin's Company and a Halloween or Fall Harvest themed song in a comment below. They can also add a prompt if they have an idea for a story. The chosen character will appear in a story based on the lyrics of the chosen song that will be updated Friday, October 9."

"Very good. You are an excellant cohost, Dwalin. I did not know that you could read!"

"You are not Kili, merely insane, Rockin' Balin."

"That is it for tonight's show, cool cat readers. Tune in for the next edition of Rockin' Balin's next Friday when Dwalin and I chose and post the story that you, the readers, want."

"Wait a minute! You are keeping my axes til next Friday?"

"You needed proper motivation to be a good cohost."

"You gave into the temptation to tease your little brother, or you failed to steal Ori's Ithildin pen set."

"Ori is the guest cohost for the next work in this series. He was much more willing to agree than you, Dwalin."

"You kept half of his set as ransom."

"Of course. Until next week, this is Rockin' Balin signing off."

"My axes!"


	2. Thorin Presents "Dead Man's Party"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Littlenori suggested Thorin and Dead Man's Party.
> 
> Here is the music video written by Elfman and performed by Oingo Boingo:  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iypUpv9xelg  
> Seeing it first will help the story make a bit more sense.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Should I continue this series into the holidays, or would it be better to let it die a quiet death?

“This is Rockin’ Balin that all of your readers are listening to on spooky, spectacular Halloween.”

 “Balin, give back my axes now! It’s been a full blasted month! Where have you been anyway. You said October 9!”

 “Let’s all give a round of welcome to my returning guest cohost, Dwalin!”

 “You’re delusional.”

 “You do want your axes back? Hint. Hint.”

 “Thank you for having me, Balin. Grrr.”

 “Alright, readers. It is time for the hippest, coolest radio show in Middle Earth. Tonight we present the results of your comments as listeners…”

 “Readers. If you’re going to do this, do it right. They’re readers.”

 “Picky. Picky. Dwalin, please do the honors.”

 “Littlenori suggested Dead Man’s Party with Thorin. Without further ado, so I can get my axes back…What in blazes is an Oing…”

 "Dwalin, I'm Rockin' Balin, the HOST. Alright readers, (You are so picky, brother.) without further ado here is Thorin in Dead Man's Party, written by Elfman and originally performed by Oingo Boingo."

 "What is an Oingo?"

 "It was an 80's thing, Dwalin, along with big hair and..."

 "Which 80's? We have seen how many 80's decades now? Is seeing too many decades why this is late?"

 "Only you, Dwalin. Only you."

 ----

 “I cannot believe this.” Thorin read the song lyrics as he stood outside of the soundstage. “What EXACTLY am I supposed to do with this?”

 “Just improvise.” As usual, Bilbo had his trusty clipboard and wore his headphones with microphone.

 “Fine. _I'm all dressed up with nowhere to go._ Check. I’m a king, I’m always well dressed. _Walkin' with a dead man_. Let’s see.” Thorin looked down at Bilbo and smiled.

 “Thorin, don’t you dare! Thorin, I have to be on the Sealed in Amber set in an hour. I still have to find Bofur and Brosi to give them their parts. Put me down!” Bilbo was easily thrown over his shoulder as Thorin entered the soundstage and closed the door.

 ----

 “ _Don't run away it's only me_. Bilbo, get back here.” Thorin had underestimated the pain that a clipboard could deliver when wielded by a desperate hobbit.

 “ _I’m not Waiting for an invitation to arrive. I’m not Goin' to a party where no one's still alive_. There is no way in Middle Earth!” Bilbo got Thorin to let go a second time only by cracking him in the face with the clipboard even harder and running for the hills.

 “The invitation is right here, on your clipboard.” Thorin grinned as he took the skeleton shaped card and pitched the now broken in two clipboard. “We do not have to be _Waiting for an invitation to arrive._ ”

 “We are not _Goin' to a party where_ …Thorin, all of the people on the set, they are all skeletons, _no one's still alive_.” Bilbo screamed as he ran into a skeleton at a table decked out with food.

 “I hate you.” Thorin hissed as he grabbed Bilbo. Thorin’s hair was standing on end and his clothes were smoking.

 “What happened to you?” Bilbo grimaced at the spoiled food. What a sacrilege!

 “ _I was struck by lighting_. I have had it.” Thorin thrust the song lyrics sheet into Bilbo’s hand. “I quit.”

 “ _I was hit by something last night in my sleep. It's a dead man's party who could ask for more. Everybody's comin', leave your body at the door. Leave your body and soul at the door._ ” Bilbo whimpered as he read the next lines out loud. He looked up to see a new skeleton, dressed in Thorin’s clothes, encouraging the corpse bride and groom in their festivities on the table as he grabbed food around them.

 “Bilbo, you have to try this, it’s delicious.” A worm wiggled out of a piece of moldy wedding cake handed to the now petrified hobbit.

 “AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” All that could be seen of Bilbo was his headphones flying off as he ran for his life.

 “ _Don't run away it's only me. Only me, only me_.” Thorin shrugged and accepted a dance with the bride.

 ----

 “That’s it for tonight’s howling Halloween edition of Rockin’ Balin. All of you cool cats be certain to tune in next edition for my guest host Ori.”

 “Give me my axes!”

 “Ori has them. You will get them back when he gets his Ithildin pen set back. Everyone bid a goodbye to my wonderful guest cohost Dwalin.”

 “Balin!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I still cannot understand this song or its purpose for existing.


End file.
